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Ride no.:- 482/483 26/27 March 2016
Hares:- Jay 'Tender Nuts' P, Jenny 'Cranky Bitch' J, Da 'Black Buttocks' J and David C
Location:- Hua Hin, The Residence
Scribe:- Hareless Balls

Saturday 26th March saw the Bangkok Bike Hash head to Hua Hin for their 482nd ride. The hares were Jay 'Tender Nuts' P, Jenny 'Cranky Bitch' J, Da 'Black Buttocks' J and David C.

I arrived with Herve, Remy, Linda and Tim in good time to get checked in. I think everyone was quite impressed by the standard of the resort, a good choice by the hares. Each bungalow had its own living room and kitchen with two attached bedrooms, and even a small plunge pool outside for cooling off.

Ready to roll off at 1pm, “Cranky Bitch” Jenny was proudly showing off her new green carbon fibre Santa Cruz... “No scratches ...yet” commented “Loose Zipper” Laura, with a smile indicating perhaps she had something planned for the Green Machine. We were briefed that it would be hot and that there would be lots of thorns- not the best combination for a ride, but hashers are always ready for a challenge.

The briefing was to prove quite accurate, heading out quickly onto single track across fields. After less than a kilometer we made rendezvous with a herd of buffalo who were out for midday stroll. It is normal protocol not to blow your whistle when encountering herds of animals, as it can likely cause stampede. Needles to say, someone blew his or her whistle and a stampede ensued. On this particular occasion no hashers were injured. In the circle Sack of Shit courageously took the blame for this, although we both suspect it was newer less experienced rider.

Pressing on, it wasn’t long before I succumbed to what was fortunately my one puncture of the weekend. Finding neither of my two pumps working it was only thanks to the fellow hashers, including Agent Orange and Sack of Shit that I made it back on the trail. Although I thought I was reasonably towards the head of the group riders, it seemed like not many riders were passing me. Turned out they were all having similar problems further back. The sun was beating down hard. A member of the Group Sex riders, later announced that the temperature had maxed at 42.6 degree C.

Making it to the drinks stop at 2:45, was quite a relief. Looking at the distance we had covered it had been a slow ride so far. I set off on the second half at 3pm, unaware that there were so many riders still behind. Hannah and Reed having succumbed to 7 punctures finally made it to the drinks stop at 4:30. Needless to say they sensibly decided to call it a day at that point. I don’t know what part “Black Buttocks” Da might have played in this. She took a down down later on for allegedly sending riders off in the wrong direction.

As the afternoon wore on, the ride continued with much of the trail being single track. The route eventually began to head back to the resort, but not before a close encounter with the earlier trail. This caught out “Helmet Envy” Tim, who ended up doing a good part of the trail again. Eventually, seeing few other riders I began to feel that I was the only rider left. Meeting up with James and Nang was reassuring and helped me find my way out of a circular route that I had been going round and round on. It was with great relief when we returned to the resort sometime around 5pm.

Special mention should go to “Shitty Shitty Bang Bang” (Wolfgang) who achieved his 200th ride. James, Nang and Jesper relative newcomers got their awards for 25 rides

I must also give special thanks to “Pencil Flasher” Chris for returning to his star role of Hash Music, albeit for one weekend. Coming up with suitable summaries of hashing transgressions is not a easy job- although drinking a few beers beforehand does seem to help somewhat.

The Sunday ride proved to be another hot one. Upon leaving the resort the paper, we hit paper very soon. The standard of FRBs has possibly taken a dive likely,after seeing the first pile of paper the FRBs increased the pace on a section out of Stanford University only coming to their senses much later after seeing riders behind them realise we were off paper. This was to happen yet again 10 minutes later. Some folks never learn.

Sunday being Easter Sunday the hares had arranged an Easter egg hunt with a hashing theme; the eggs were replaced by beer at each of the checks. I never got to see anyone drink a beer, but it was a very hot day so most probably these were imbibed with haste.

Unbeknownst to many botanists some plants in the Hua Hin area when threatened by animals are able to morph into an animated form. At least that what a certain Scottish gentleman attempted to use as an excuse for injuries sustained when he took up battle with a bush. I am not sure many hashed believed him. However, I think video footage is required to disprove such an outlandish claim.

Overall it was another great trail, even though it included 7 false trails. Could this be a record? On the next ride be sure to look out for “From Behind” Jesper, who has been recorded washing his bike in the swimming pool and the lake whilst wearing only his underwear.

All in all a great weekend. And I think we can safely say to the hares. ...Good job!

Andrew AKA “Hareless Balls”

Page last updated: 2 April, 2016