Blue Sapphire Golf Resort - Ploi, KanchanaburiSaturday ride - By Kim Heggland aka Bacteria ButtThe following is based on a true story (unfortunate as normal people would not own up to suchstupidity). No names were changed to protect the innocent. Everyone is guilty!Saturday morning. Feeling the effects of the night before the morning after. For those who wereawake in the van, expectations were running high due to the spectacular countryside passing by thewindows, it was looking dry and the fact that this ride was at a new and untried resort. We arrivedat our destination, the Blue Sapphire Golf & Resort(!?). For those who were not awake expectationswere at a usual low ebb and a couple of people exclaimed “where the f%$ # are we” and “b@#$&rme its hot” (these are direct quotes – don’t blame me for the language). This pretty much set thetone for the ride to come. After checking in, assembling the bikes and skid testing the brakes on acouple of greens, it was off to pay Hash Cash and huddle up for the Hares instructions.After telling us the usual lies about distances and absence of mud, we set off out of the resort andwe soon found very nice dirt roads, which in turn developed into single track as we left civilisationand mobile signals behind. The first check had its usual effect of spreading people out, so the climbup the lovely shallow ascents were unimpeded and the downhills were similarly long and sweepingwith just enough terrain and wildlife to make it interesting. All of this through fields and smallwoods, with the wind in though our hair and down our shorts. What a thrill!2pm and the temperature is rising. On the ascents we passed a few groups of flake-outs resting,cooling down and rehydrating. It was like a grand picnic in Lumpini Park. It was on one such ascentthat Mod, aka Wasinee (remember the name – she hasn’t got a hash one!) had to screech to ahalt when a big SNAKE crossing her path nearly caused her to crash. On reporting this near-missevent later, she was asked “wow, was it dangerous or poisonous, what type of snake was it?”. Shereplied, “a long one!!”.() So Hashers, beware of those “long” snakes out there, they can just ruinyour whole day (being long and all)!Now this is the perfect time to bring in a safety message, courtesy of Maria. We all wear helmets fora reason and Maria is it. Descending at a moderate rate she managed to come unstuck and go overthe handlebars. As it happens, she did manage to break the fall with her face and only needed 5stitches on her chin (a bargain at Baht 500). However, her helmet did come into play when her bikecaught up with her and finished off the job, landing squarely on top of her.John also had a walking pace flip with a twist and badly hurt his shoulder. But he is a trail hardenedveteran, so frankly, he cant expect much sympathy! He wont be so silly next time, I suspect.The water stop mops up all the riders and we take a break in the shade. And then the trail goeson, gently up, speedy down, around corners and checks leading us astray. Were all cooking nicelywhen ............ the heavens open. “No mud” my a@#$. Still, the show goes on. As the rock turnsinto a skate rink, the trails turn into streams and puddles into potential flip pits, we find ourselvespushing harder and simply not caring because we can all cool down, the trail is great, the scenery isstunning and the paper is .......mud coloured!! ! D’oh!!Our tenacity is rewarded as the skies soon clear. Through the fields we go. At pace. And findourselves in the middle of a stampede. Unbeknownst to the Hashers, we were victim of a pre-planned flanking manoeuvre by a heard of galloping Daisies, duly chased by a herder, shouting at thetop of his voice (and Im just guessing here) “come back” or “stop chasing away my cows away you<a href="mailto:b@%25%5Eds" target="_blank" style="color: rgb(17, 85, 204);">b@%^*ds<font face="comic sans ms,sans-serif">” . [Safety note: Stampeding cows is another reason to wear helmets!]We rolled on in through technical quarries and more great track. All great fun. The sandwiches andbeer were all well deserved, as were the Hares spanky new and funky Hare shirts – remember,yougotta hare to get one!!Now in summing up, all of this might sound pretty rough and tumble for the uninitiated, but it wasa great ride. Spare a thought though for poor old Matt, a guest this month. He borrowed his sistersbike and deconstructed it less than 4km into the ride. He now has a season ticket to the circle, owesride fees to Hash Cash and owes his sister for a new basket and stabilisers! But Im sure we will allwelcome him back as he is exactly the kind of numpty tie we can identify with on the hash.Moral post-ride note:On Sunday, “Snap” was seen returning to the second waterstop to retrieve is better halfs camelback.Commendable you might think, but no. If he had left her there at the roadside, thirsty, dehydratedand at the mercy of the elements, she would surely remember not to do this again. So take noteHashers, kindness and especially reason, is a dangerous thing, and it has no place on the Hash!!No snakes were harmed during this ride Maria has now recovered from the blow and only occasionally thinks she a is a chicken and clucksto herself***No cows where harmed for the purpose of the Hash, although a few might well make it toMcDonalds in due course