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Ride no.:- 488/489 25/26 June 2016
Hares:- Yannick 'U Bastard' T, Remy P, Suparatana 'Bitchy Bitchy Bang Bang' M and Wolfgang 'Shitty Shitty Bang Bang' M
Location:-Pattaya, Horseshoe Point
Scribe:- Beyond Venereal

BHHB 14th Pineapple Classic at Horseshoe Point

Saturday - First of all, a big thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Shitty Shitty and Bitchy Bitchy Bang Bang and U Bastard and Easy Come for working so hard to create a great weekend of riding.

I have to say that I (and I believe many others) was expecting the 14th Pineapple Classic to be a not-so-interesting repeat of past rides. That may have been a reason for the sparse turnout of 35 riders, but this was a Saturday ride I’m glad I didn’t miss!

I was pleasantly surprised that the overcast weather was nearly perfect (no hot sun and no rain) and the Hares managed to avoid most developed areas, sand and cassava fields, and found so much forest to enjoy!

As soon as we left the resort and hit forest cover within a few minutes, I knew this was going to be something different. I’m not a fast rider, and I appreciated the placement of the checks to keep the FRB’s back with the rest of us. We came to a working gravel pit excavator, and the paper was a bit hard to find. I’m sure the excavator operator and the truck drivers were wondering what all these crazy Farang were doing weaving around looking down at the ground in the gravel pit. Somebody finally found paper, and off we went again. Shortly after that, another check was broken, and a dirt road suddenly became a beautiful black asphalt road. The hares had mentioned this road to nowhere, and it sure looked inviting.

Suddenly there was the sign pointing to the right for the FRB loop, which we could see was going to be an uphill climb. That blacktop looked easier, but it disappeared over a far hilltop, and someone said it might be easier, but it was the long way around. Agent Orange and I were trying to talk some guys into joining us on the FRB shortcut, but they gave it a pass, and in the end it was Femidom who agreed to give it a go, so up the hill we went. The first 500 meters of climbing were OK until we came to 100 meters of rutted 10 - 30% grade, which required that we either drag the bikes uphill or hike-a-bike. Hike-a-bike it was. With the frame over my shoulder, and the saddle resting on my helmet, I started up, seeing riders ahead. Somehow Femidom passed the Group Sex 1 & 3 and Agent Orange, and I struggled uphill step by step, telling myself that even though I’m an old guy, I probably had the lightest full-suspension bike on the hill (12 kg), so I had no excuse to dawdle.

Reaching the top of the grade (thank you Agent Orange for being a good buddy and waiting) and back on the bikes, we reached the summit, to find all the riders milling around, complaining they couldn’t find any paper. A phone call to the hares was attempted and the answer was (from Mrs. BBBB I presume): “GO DOWN”. Douglas Adams could have written that. Brilliant! It reminded me of Bruce Lee’s famous quote “Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend”. A whistle sounded in the distance, so we all poured over the edge and scrambled down another rutted hillside. Flowing along on a nice forest covered trail, there were real banked berms, so maybe we were on a motorcycle or ATV track? We were going pretty fast, so it’s lucky we didn’t meet any motorized traffic on the way down the hill. At some point the blacktop and FRB tracks came back together, and we crossed a broad swath of new Rayong Motorway construction before arriving at the water stop.

Refreshed, and back onto wooded trails again, back across the new motorway, and onto an unexpected pleasure (for many, the highlight of the ride) – 4.5 km of narrow wooded single track doubling back on itself over and over. Looking at the GPS track on Google Earth, this is very close to the resort, if anybody wants to go back and enjoy it again and again! After passing typical (for Thailand) garbage strewn roads and a smelly charcoal-producing village, followed by several active and inactive quarries, it was just a few more kilometers before we found the on in.

With few participants and no main RA’s attending, the rules for the Circle were seemingly made up at the GM’s whim. The GM’s new rule that hashers could only be called by their hash names, the punishment for forgetting being drinking a cup of beer, resulted in a lot of laughs and many cups of beer being downed.

Sunday – On out from the resort took us down to the west shore of Mabprachan Lake, although we didn’t venture out into the mud that swallowed Shitty Shitty Bang Bang and made him an instant celebrity a couple of years ago. Into the shady forest, where we rode 4 km of weaving single track, before coming out again beside the lake. A couple more kilometers of dirt roads and backstreets brought us to a bend in highway 7 which we crossed over before doubling back again on another bridge to continue on our trail.

Our water stop was at probably the most fly-infested area (and 7-11) ever, so it was easy to leave and continue on our way. Riding back roads, we came to a check in the middle of a big pineapple plantation. A short while later we then encountered nearly 500 meters of track through tall grass, a lot of fun as long as you are not afraid of snakes! We arrived near a steam railroad engine and an old airplane at the front gate of Pornphrapa Botanic Garden, and then we rode on dirt roads that passed around the back of Siam Country Club before finding the track on in to the resort. At the Sunday circle, some people didn’t remember the Hash names only rule, especially Pump Friction who was punished with 2-3 glasses of beer.

All in all, a great weekend outing, and hopefully the Hares will be able to put together another Pineapple Classic as enjoyable as this one.

Page last updated: 2 July, 2016