Venue: Kaeng Krachan Country Club & Resort.Hares: Neil "Weedeater" B. and Lynda "No Meat" S.Date: 21/22 February 2009.  Ride nos:- 310 and 311.Well, the 7th Annual Kraeng Krachang Klassic is in the books and I’ve been tasked with recapping the weekend. The ride took place quite near the surface of the sun, with temperatures close to those which caused the extinction of most life forms on earth during the Jurassic era. The Saturday ride was a classic mix of double track dirt paths mixed with a bit of single track through scenic rolling hills and farms. In a Hash first, the entire group took an early/unofficial en mass water stop to refill camelbacks and receive emergency cardiac care. The remainder of the ride after the official water stop a couple of klicks later, was a fun mix of trails without too many flats or other bike ailments.The Circle (of shame) proved most entertaining with what seemed a record number of new Hash names. These include:John Casella, henceforth known as “Ass-soles” (or if you are British, Arse-soles), for bringing shoes so old the soles disintegrated when he put them on;Julian Butcher, a Canadian, aka "Moose Sperm” for strategically placed sweat stains on the front of his riding shorts;The classy Dr. Donna, now known as “Pearl Necklace”, who earned her title by wearing real pearls on the ride, as opposed to what you might be thinking; andSom Haines (Size Matters) and Ip Viranuvat (Slippery Member) for holding a women’s dinner forum about what matters most to gals about guys.Please join me in greeting these riders by their Hash names whenever you see them at business meetings with their employers. In short, a fine ride with some good laughs afterward. But it was Sunday’s Hangover Ride that turned out to be more action packed (partly because it’s true and partly because I rode the whole thing and was not a sissy who bugged out at the water stop like I did on Saturday).Sunday’s ride started with the usual hangover mix of tarmac and easy, scenic trails. Things got more interesting whilst under way with two Hash Dramas:Moo Baan Incident: when the main bike pack rode through a pasture, it triggered a cattle stampede which rumbled straight for the main group of riders instead of running away. The stampede (well OK, it was actually only one small calf), ran full speed into our pack of riders which skillfully split to make way (except for the less skillful riders who promptly crashed) and our rumbling herd of one cow ran full bore into a barbed wire fence and got badly tangled. Bjorn, one of our new Norwegian members, who clearly brings experience with farm animals along with impressive IT skills to Thailand and a fellow rider jumped off their bikes to free the now kicking and mooing animal. I’m pleased to report the poor beast looked no worse for the wear and now has a bright future as hamburger meat or glue. Way to go Bjorn and that other guy!That Dam Hill: After a challenging climb up to the top of the dam, the hash pack was rewarded with spectacular views of the reservoir and mountains and a fun downhill on the road back to lake level. But hard core riders were rewarded with something even better. Cut into the massive wall of the dam was a very rough dirt track heading straight down the dam wall to the road below. Most of it was at an incline that could be handled by a rider with moderate skill, but the first 10 yards was a precipitous drop at a very steep incline. Many (including myself) took a couple of runs to the lip, looked down, and then backed off to circle yet again before finally taking the plunge. The successful decent required one part skill and 3 parts commitment. The skill was lowering your seat post; getting your bum back over the rear wheel and laying off the brakes. The commitment was diving over the lip and taking what was a short but quite scary drop without touching the brakes. Most made it OK but a couple of riders just couldn’t lay off those brakes, or get their butts back off the saddle, or stop looking at that one rock in the middle of the path (resulting in hitting the rock head on). Our own Dave Washenfelder, legal counselor extrodinaire, took first place in the Weekend’s Best Crash and Burn Award when he went over the bars at speed and steep angle, breaking bits of his bike but showing excellent presence of mind and even better form by rolling with the fall and walking away unscathed. This comes after a spill at last month’s ride where he enjoyed several weeks of bruised ribs. It’s worth noting that learning to roll into a fall is an important skill—one well worth learning. Well done Dave. Again!Believe that wraps up the write up for the February ride. Join us next month when Paul “Klingon” Haines, his fab wife Som “Size Matters” Haines and myself will treat you to some new trails in Khao Yai with big climbs, massive multi-kilometer single track descents, and a river crossing with water cold enough to stop your heart.Respectfully, Carl “Dike Diver” Rubin