Date: 26/27 April 2008.    Ride No:- 290/291.Venue: Pasak Hillside Resort, Chai Badan, Lopburi province.Hares: Joris “Stairmasturbator” Laperre, Martin “Pedal File” Covell, Lerm “Dominatrix” SabuhomScribe:- Torill M. StensethThis was my third weekend with BHHB. Little did I know that I would be asked to write a summary of the ride. So much for being on the wrong spot at the wrong time. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it……….!Saturday did not start too well for a poor guest who took the trip all the way from Singapore, to take part in the ride, only to find herself very close to the ground in one of the first downhills. She was taken good care of, first by fellow bikers and then at the hospital. Hope the episode did not scare her off another ride!We soon found that this was going to be a bumpy ride. The amount of stones on the trail was quite substantial.It was a very hot day and at the first checkpoint people happily threw themselves onto the ground, while some went out to find the trail. It turned out not to be a simple task. After about 30 minutes we realized that calling one of the hares was the solution. At first there were no signals…. and the suspense rose. But, alas, saved by the technology! We set off, just to find more stones. And thorns!At the first drink-stop, a snickers mysteriously disappeared from the fridge, where it had been put by the owner in order to gain it’s original texture. Someone was very happy to find it, and bought it!More suspense at the last checkpoint, as people did not return from their search for the trail. One poor fellow managed not to find his bike, as he returned from his search.  When finally a whistle was heard, eager to get going, somebody started putting paper on the wrong trail.  To make sure we’d have a sufficient amount of suspense, there were the usual packs of fierce-looking dogs chasing us!The trails were set through beautiful landscape. I especially enjoyed going through the forest.  There were quite a few punctures. Some gave up after the third, some continued even after four flat tyres. Some spirit! When I approached the resort, I passed a few walking their flat-tyred bikes.Tables for dinner were set out on the lawn. Very pleasant!  The free wine is highly appreciated! Thank you!The Sunday ride was quite easy. And hot. But hares, could you not find a trail with more thorns?! Again, many punctures. A new tube with holes. A tube that did not fit. LPR…….I reckon it is made up by the lack of precipitation and the signature dish, which was a delicious breadpudding. Many thanks, hares!The resort was really nice, the scenery was stunning. There was even a temple on the hill which was visited by some.  What more can we possibly ask for?See you next month!Date: 26/27 April 2008.    Ride No:- 290/291.Venue: Pasak Hillside Resort, Chai Badan, Lopburi province.Hares: Joris “Stairmasturbator” Laperre, Martin “Pedal File” Covell, Lerm “Dominatrix” SabuhomScribe:- KlingonLopburi is virgin territory for the BHHB, despite the fact almost every rider said bye-bye to their virginity many (....many) decades ago.Hares Joris "Stairs-Masturbator", Lerm "Dominatrix" and Martin "Pedal-file" put together a terrific ride, though at one point in the mid section I am sure I could see the fringes of the Bangkok skyline. Pasak Hillside proved to be a superb venue, with a pre-fabricated Circle complete with central stone area for burning witches and martyrs had it have gotten chilly. Which it most certainly did not. A boutique swimming pool was provided for European children to pee into, and there was even a cute puppy dog to welcome its guests. Aaaah - more on that later dear reader.After doing merit and paying homage to the spirit "FonTock" for keeping the rain off, we crunched up towards the hills for some increasingly rolling sections. Joyce, elated by the trail, was daydreaming of her days back in the Chinese National Youth Gymnastics Team. A rocky downhill section jarred her awake again, but by that stage she was already into her cartwheel finishing with reverse double pirouhette. The Russian judge awarded only 7.9 points, so that's why we don't allow Russian members. Her flight path was terminated using a rock and her helmet as a braking system, which proved more effective than a set of Avid Juicy 7's with 9" rotors. This goes to show the importance of our "No Helmet, No Riding, No Kidding" campaign, and thankfully Naughty Seaman was on hand with his paramedic skills to collect the body parts. Hearing of the campaign's success, the Public Health Ministry has since contacted Hash Mis-management to instigate a "No Pants, No Knickers, No Skidding" campaign for all the riders who go "sans lingerie".We came to a shady check, just after 10Km of riding on the surface of planet Mercury, so everyone decided to take a cooler and breather, and show the true meaning of the phrase 'total apathy". Time ticking on, a 21-person human pyramid was formed to get enough height for a phone signal to call Stairs-Masturbator (darn it, where was Joyce when you need her?). Joris informed us we should cross the active lava field and turn left when we get to Gondor. Having reached core body temperature of 47 deg C, we were thrilled to see the H2O sign, and the 8km to the water stop following it.The middle section was by far the most rewarding with a interesting mix of technical ups and downs, single track and paper where there wasn't supposed to be paper - true Hash Heaven. Annie was told to Shut Up talking twice, and this was raised in the circle by Poopa-Scooper, which to me is highly ironic. Being around Poopa is like being at the end of Suvannabhumi eastern runway. I don't remember much of the gruelling final section home following the 2nd water stop. I just remember beating Brian back, which is all that matters.Back at base, we were treated to a scrummy bread-pudding Hash Cake, which Joris tells me is his mother's recipe. Wow Joris, you must have had fun growing up. Pass the bong, Ma. That damn dog enjoyed the free sausages too.The hares generously also provided some wine for dinner, but made a tactical error in putting Martin in charge of its distribution. Before long it was distributed to every blood vessel in his body.Sunday was smooth and mainly rock-free, mainly because Joris didn't want to snap his nice new plastic bike. (He claims its USA-made carbon fibre, but I caught him peeling off a "Made in Guangzou" sticker). From the back at least I enjoyed the camaraderie of squatting under trees, mending punctures among friends and laughing merrily on discovering the new inner tube came pre-punctured.The Sunday circle saw a christening of bronzed Tan-talizer, whose svelte chest is coated with what appears to be one side of a giant piece of velcro. We'll have to test it out next month with the corresponding opposite piece. He showed us his arse too- thanks.Oh, I almost forgot. That dog, overnight, stole and hid one of Poopa's shoes, and one of my biking shoes from our balconies.  Moral of the story: She may have been super-cute, friendly and full of character, but some bitches just can't be trusted.Thanks to the hares for all their effort making a superb event uncovering lots of great trails, stunning scenery - I hope we can come back again!!!!On On,Paul "Klingon"