Mar 2008

Kanchanaburi, 29/30 Mar 2008


Jerry 'Crash Test Dummie' S

Maren 'Blow Job' S

John 'The Pope' E

Ride report

Date: 29/30 March 2008.   Ride No:- 288/289.Venue: Kanchanaburi, Suan Sri Resort, Saiyok.Hares: Jerry “Crash Test Dummy”, Maren “BJ” and John “The Pope”.Awesome Scribe:- Glen “Camp Gynecologist” Craigie.Wow, what can I say? Awesome, awesome, ride! Kudos to the hares! So, here’s my take on the rides this weekend.After surviving some near death experiences before getting to the Suansri Kanokporn Resort, in Kanchanaburi (y’all know how bad traffic is leaving Bangkok on a payday Friday) I arrived in time for sunrise. Didn’t actually see it, but I did sense that it was getting lighter and brighter. Anyways, off to the “Land of Nod”, which I exited about 1150, in time to get my kit sorted, and head on down to pay the “hash cash” for the weekend rides.As I paid for the rides I noted the new “NO HELMET, NO RIDING, NO KIDDING” sign along with the new Sunday ride rate. I know that the Sunday ride rates are for real since I paid it, still wondering about the “no helmet” rule as it didn’t seem to be a “no kidding” thing. Perhaps I could summarize it like this, NO HELMET, KNOW PAIN - KNOW HELMET, NO PAIN. Perhaps that could be an addition to the hash cash sign ? Nuff said…The ride started right on time and it was good to get rolling along despite the heat. At some point within the first 5 km or so I was riding next to our beloved Frederic “Flip-Flop” who asked me “Are you very busy with work about now?”. I replied something like ”Nope, not really, I’m on summer break”. I know that Flip-Flop will be moving along soon and we chatted about that for a bit, I was hopeful that perhaps there might be some (paying) work coming my way since I had some time on my hands about now. Yep there was work, just not the paying type, he asked if I could write up the ride for the weekend, so here it is!Within seconds of agreeing to “scribe the ride” the double track trail that we were riding narrowed on the right (where I was riding,) because there were a bunch of overhanging branches and vines. With Flip-Flop on my left, I knew better than to cut off the line of an RA (circle offense!), so into the branches and vines I went (welcome to the scribe job, dude!!). I was pulling “stickers” and crap outa my neck, arms, and chest for the rest of the ride. Next time I think I’ll be less “Jai Dee” and opt for a free beer in the circle!The ride progressed through some really great mostly dirt trails, roads, and double track. It was hot! How hot? Hotter than a stolen pot of Texas chile in July, and hell, it’s only March! I was pretty much delirious with the heat when I came upon this long, gradual, red dirt road uphill climb. I’m sure, y’all remember it. I took my time, basically doing the climb from shady spot to shady spot at 100 to 300 meter intervals, resting and drinking water as I went.At one shady spot I was at, I noted all these guys walking their bikes along out in the sun. Dudes, why ya wanna do that? Ride from shady place to shady place, much better to do! Anyways, along comes Da “Black-Buttocks” and she’s putting these guys to shame ‘cause she’s doing the hill (maybe riding to the next shady place along the road?). So one of these guys offered to “help” her up the hill, only he didn’t, he was holding onto her bike and she had to get off and push her bike up the hill along with all of them. He was later called into the circle for his “generosity”. In any case, when you have “the line” and the * power * to “Get on Up” (like a sex machine) on the uphill, call them slackers outa your way!At the top of this hill were the hares (and company) with free bananas, and water too (so I heard from one rider who really needed it). On down down we went to the water stop, but not before another nice recky technical uphill that ended under a huge (shady) boulder. After the usual socializing, snarfing of snacks, and guzzling of various liquids, we got the word from the hares where to go next. The last half of the ride was really, really, fast, much more so than the first half was. There was a lot of shady double track through bamboo forest, really great rolling hills with a lot of rocky technical (laterite) stuff to weave through, a great workout for a full suspension bike!Finally we made it back across the bridge to the resort following the “you… are…almost…* almost *… a l m o s t…. there” markings. At the circle we were greeted by the hares who had prepared some truly awesome food for all of us in addition to the usual fare that us hashers are all used to, chile cheese dogs!!In the circle there were down-downs for “the usual suspects” for the many unusual things that only seem to happen at a BHHB ride. Some things that I recall was that there were 3 new bikes, one of which was the long awaited full suspension Titus of “Dyke Diver”. “Pencil Flasher” complained of an unnecessary seat adjustment, and there was even the naming of a non-member of the BHHB, (is that allowed??) – “Patricia”.Since dinner was not until 8pm, there was plenty of time for everyone to relax. We were treated to an evening thunderstorm, which was pretty much done with by the time dinner started. The hotel staff did a great job of changing the dinner venue since the originally planned one was outside. The dinner was about average for a bike hash but the hares had yet another surprise for us, free wine! Yes there was both red and white “Chateau de Box” available, awesome!After chatting, drinking, and socializing the hashers all left the dinner area, most by 1015pm, (was the days riding that difficult??) with a few die-hards hanging on until about 11pm. The free wine was taking its toll I guess!The Sunday hash got underway with the hares advising us that anybody who had a fear of heights should see them for an alternate route. We soon found out what they were talking about. The paper led us to a railroad trestle, which had to be crossed by walking or riding(!) bikes between the train tracks for about 500 to 600 meters. It was really quite an awesome bit of “trail” and quite possibly a first for the BHHB, at least in the two plus years I’ve been riding. Only two hashers took the alternate route and they, along with half a dozen other noteworthy hashers along this section of the trail, were called to account for themselves in the circle later in the day by guest RA Tony.The Sunday ride was much flatter and alas, shorter than the day before. It was also a lot cooler too! Again there was a lot of shady double track through bamboo forest, rolling hills, and rocky technical (laterite) stuff. Although I’d started from the ride off point pretty much last, I some how found myself to be a FRB, at least for a little while, before the water stop. Good job hares keeping everyone together with the checks! This was especially true of the last check before the end of the ride, which was royally buggered up by the FRBs. A quick GPS check confirmed that the solution that was proposed would have led us on another loop of the route. Back to the check, where the correct way was found.Finally back to the resort where there were six hotdogs left over from yesterday. Apparently a scuffle ensued and one of the female hashers tried to take a hotdog from one of the more junior hashers. Now, that should have resulted in a hash name! I’m sure that some of you can imagine some of the names that might have been proposed! Too bad “No Meat” and “Weed Eater” were not present. In any case, in to the circle with the six dog eaters for a down-down! More drink and food was consumed and down-downs were proscribed by the RAs and the Grand Spoke. Also, “Virgin Margarita” told us of her tumble on the trestle as she was going across it. Was she riding or walking her bike? I cannot remember.As the circle neared the end the hares for next months ride told us about it. It will be in Lopburi, which is totally virgin territory for a BHHB event. Hopefully it will be as good as the hash was this month. With the circle dismissed about twenty hashers went to enjoy the pool and also play Frisbee, truly an excellent end to an awesome weekend of hashing. See y’all next month!


45.83 km, 641.0 m
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27.42 km, 295.0 m
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