Ride no.:- 500/501 and the AGM, 28/29 January 2017Hares:- Martijn 'Inseminator' S, John 'Sperm Sample' M, Mint 'Eager Beaver' S and Scott MLocation:- Nakon Nayok, Royal Hills Golf ResortScribe:- Lakhdeep B.HOLDING FAST AT 500Located on the southern slopes of the Khao Yai ‘Massif’ (get practicing w/ your French – see 501 notes below), these hills are probably the closest wild elephant get to Bangkok. The 500th ride too was wild and spectacular, especially for the many first time Hashers, including this Scribe. Examples of what the virgin Hashers experienced on Saturday included: a puncture in the first km (morale booster - Henri B.); over the handle bar dismount during 40+km/hr rocky DH (spectacular – Aartu S. is not sure how many somersaults he completed nor or are any of the ‘lucky’ few who witnessed this feat?); broken rear derailleur at km 17 (perfect timing Lakhdeep B. – luckily Martijn ‘Inseminator’’ S’s vehicle was in the vicinity returning from the local hospital with dismounted rider above); new cultural practices (e.g., steady upstanding citizens reduced to bardic sycophancy, ,) etc.However, seeing BHHB veterans like Chris "Sack of Shit" O retracing his steps on foot, in the first km of the 500th, looking for a bike part that did not exist, that "apparently" fell off his bike, gave some of us hope that things can go horribly wrong for anyone. He had to head to LPR for help and ended riding part of the ride in reverse. Then there was that other veteran of the BHHB, Wolfgang ‘Shitty Shitty Bang Bang’, who lost the keys to his Mercedes while riding his MTB! Some eagle eyed Hasher did find them on the trail, and his only "penalty" for losing his keys was a cold beer in the Circle!In the end, finishing and having fun is what matters, even if you do reach the Circle via the ‘Inseminator’ or backwards or both I guess (as only Mint ‘Eager Beaver’ S would know). The Hash is for all, and for all ages; and many kids were waltzing and rollicking about the whole weekend, soaking up and contributing to the atmosphere. This resort too was also equipped for all: rafting, pony rides, spa, golf (do Hashers golf?), hiking and of course biking – which was what we were mainly here for.Saturday 500th – 42km/430m climbThe 500th ride commenced at the café in front of the lobby – good coffee made for long lines and the riders, of which there were somewhere between 50 and a 100, had the driveway well blocked for arriving golfers. Eye catching red and black cycling shirts commemorating the 500th ride were handed out.Following the brief Briefing we rolled out – around the golf course, a small water hazard, through some thick brush with a short but fast drop, onto the tarmac resort access road and then out onto on a mixture of hard pack and gravel single track. We passed through open fields dotted with buffalo, reminiscent of East African plains, including thorn trees, and pushed ahead into the valley through which the Nakon Nayok River runs. The ride crossed the base of the valley where it began to open up, we climbed to the Viewpoint, after passing a sharp right through a fence that was easy to miss. The viewpoint truly was a Viewpoint, there was a sign saying so! Descending back into the Valley past country houses and cane fields the route crossed the River and led on led back up to the resort where the Circle buffet of bread and beer awaited.AGMThe AGM was efficient and/but chaotic, which made it’s efficiency even more impressive. Several new officers were appointed and Herve ‘Hairy Nut Scraper’ H was crowned GM. He soon fell from grace as he lost/forgot his crown that night in the dining room (true dedication and sign of respect for high office)!? Many great prizes were handed out, e.g., to the first 5 people on stage who had on black underwear, the first 5 people who could show a currency other than Thai Baht etc., you get the idea…and no the Joint Spoke did not ask people with no underwear to come on stage as there would not have been enough prizes for those numbers! In addition, and much to the consternation of many, a new Hasher, no less from Zimbabwe, a Visitor not even signed up as a member at that point, won the bicycle raffle at dinner (magic or tragic: rumour has it the Committee is considering a rule change). The night was capped off with plenty of dancing by riders young and old.Sunday 501 – 19km/93m climbIt was not until ride 501 on the Sunday that we experienced the real serenity, and elephant poo though no elephants were spotted, of the area. Beautiful trails along mountain streams with several crossings. The ride had a nice mix of gentle climbs followed in quick succession by easy drops on dirt and tarmac roads. We initially rode out on a small tarmac trail headed up the hills behind the resort and then turned east to follow the contours through a mix of small country roads, through homesteads, round the outer perimeter of the resort and back in to Royal Hills.As we witnessed in the Circle following the 501st ride, with Herve ‘Hairy Nut Scraper’ H as GM, pronouncing H’s will ‘enceforth, at least for as long as ‘e is GM, create lots of confusion for the BHHB. Let me illustrate: the Hash is actually Ash which is how you say H in French; Herve’s name is pronounced Erve thus ‘is ‘ash Name is actually Erve ‘Airy Nut Scraper’ Haich; and a Hare is a ‘Are…etc. but just remember that an arse is still an ass though a hole is now an ‘ole! SalutWeather conditions on both days was identical – clear and sunny. All routes were dry and either hard, grassy, dusty or rocky, with some sections, especially leading to the viewpoint on the Saturday, extremely rocky (giant rock slabs and boulders). Only the crossings were wet and only 1 or 2 of them muddy.