Scribe: Neil “Weedeater” B
A true and accurate Report of the Bang Chang Bike hash. March 4/5 2023
By Dogsbreath Woodhouse Esq. post script by The American

“I say Jeeves, an absolutely topping idea to join the Bike Hash what?” “Thank you Sir. The particular
arrangements were not made without some difficulties. I have however, managed to reserve
accommodations at the recommend Establishment”. “Jolly good Jeeves. How about a spot of tea?” “Very
good Sir. May I be permitted to suggest that I prepare for the traditional sundowners to be partaken
adjacent to the swimming pool area Sir?” “Absolutely Jeeves. Start the jolly old wrist pumping and get
the cocktails on the go! I say Jeeves, is that old Stinker Maverick over there?” “Indeed it is my lord, and if
I might be permitted to venture, the French have also arrived”. “Yes, well Jeeves The Bike Hash does let
All in, even the French!!. Drunken Donut may be an absolute Oyk, but he does have a hot wife”. “Quite
so Sir” “Is that old Snakebite and Patpom, Jeeves?” “Indeed Sir. I noticed them perambulating across the
car park looking, if I use the vernacular, shifty Sir” “Well Jeeves, he IS Australian, and you what they say
about All Australians! Might I have another one of your excellent concoctions Jeeves?” “Sadly, no Sir. The
Proprietor of the Resort has decreed that no drinks other than the overpriced and diminutive bottles of
beer from his refrigeration device may be consumed upon the premises” “What an absolute Bounder the
man must be Jeeves!” “Ah Jeeves, I’m glad that decided to take the shorter route with everyone else.
Your suggestion was well noted and acted upon with fortitude and diligence by the Wooster.” “Indeed
Sir. It seemed the most advantageous scenario given the circumstances Sir”. “Ah, you refer to the fact
that I would dazzle all and sundry with my prowess as a biker no doubt Jeeves?” “No Sir, I was concerned
about the distracting clash of colour about your attire. I see you decided to ignore the Worsted woollen
herring bone exercise suit, a well-dressed British gentleman would be expected to garb himself with. I
was worried that those around you might wish to distance themselves Sir, or at least wear very dark
sunglasses” “What rot Jeeves!!. I say, it’s getting a bit hard to ride up this hill Jeeves” “Most assuredly so
Sir. The whole gathering has come this way so one must assume that we are on the correct trail.” “One
might have thought that we had strayed onto the FRB trail, what?” “That cannot be the case Sir. The
Hare assured the gathered multitude at the Start of the adventure, that the FRB loop would be AFTER
the 18km Drinks Stop. This must be the case Sir, as Everyone is heading in the same direction as Your
Lordship”. Do put a little effort into it Jeeves, I’ve been waiting for my bike for ages now. Even the French
EBikes have gone past dammit”. “I do apologise Sir. I thought it better to assist with general haulage
lower down the slope. The incline of the slope is quite invigorating, indeed too invigorating for many of
the participants Sir. The Hash GM was being held up by the rather cumbersome e-bikes and was
becoming vexed, somewhat ruddy around the cheeks Sir” Well Jeeves, I’m not surprised. He is American
after all, and you know what they say about Americans”! “Jeeves!! Do you have that picnic hamper? I am
in need of a restorative” “Of course Sir. We have already completed 26km of the trail. I fear that we may
have inadvertently strayed away from the intended path.” “Total rot Jeeves. We have been diligently

following paper. That mountain was hard enough. The FRB loop must be an absolute Stinker eh Jeeves?”
“Quite so your Lordship. Ah, here are the Hares Sir. They inform me that we only have another 18km to
go.” “Do you have any bacon butties to compliment the excellent champagne in your hamper Jeeves?
We may be out for some time!”....... “Jolly good Circle don’t you think Jeeves?” “Yes Sir. The RA’s did a
very creditable job Sir. It was fitting that the Hare known as Folically Challenged Sphere Sack was able to
finally win the big prize after all these years” “You mean the PissPot Jeeves? Indeed, a richly deserved
acclamation of his skill set as leader of the Free World!!” “If may be permitted to correct your Lordship,
The Grand Spoke is technically the leader of the Free world. The PissPot nominee was the Leader of the
Hare team” “As you say Jeeves. It has to be said. Even though there were Dutch people on the trail (and
you know what they say about the Dutch Jeeves), The Hares did provide us with a lovely trail and a great
excuse to leave Bangkok” “Quite so sir. Would you care for another cocktail before the Resort Owner
notices?” “Go on then Jeeves. Maybe one of those bacon sandwiches as well.............”
Thank you to All the Hares.
PS – Lord’s Day ‘Hangover Ride’
Well I ain’t ‘xactly sure what in the tarnation that lime juicer is talkin’ about. My Daddy was a mountain
man ... West Virginia way, we wus raised in the hills, weren’t no mountain we wus on. And tha only
natives I saw wus from a tribe I ain’t not never heard of, they said they wus Poonjabee or sumthin’ – lost
for sure those boys. Anyhow after that Saturday expedition on the bi-sicle them city folk gave me we
had a good ol’ time in the saloon, someone even brought a bottle of some fancy lickor, Skottish I think
they said it wus. Tasted real good but hell you woulda had ta drink 3 bottles to get high like we did on a
jug of ma Grandaddy’s mash. I woke the next day, praise be - the Lord’s day, with no Hangover – wish I
had been in Church ‘cause it would a made a first for Rev Abe to see me sober in the pews – instead we
went out agin ... this time on what that mechanic feller, Bandit, said was ‘ta-whenteee miner’. Now I
never learned me much an’ I can’t read nor rite so well neither, but I could not understand a word that
man was sayin’ – he was real nice like, fixin’ everyone’s miners for free an all – don’t know why they
called him a bandit. We left the Inn and there was a Yankee boy with a yeller sign, hailed from
Pencilvanier, spoke in tongues he did, pointing to the dusty trail we wus supposed to ride. Well let me
tell you it was dusty and sandy and there wus flies everywhere – we came upon a vee-hicle, new Ford it
must’a’bin, on the trail where we all watered down. And there was more lime juicers there an they wus
fixin’ to pahleh these Frenchies, suddenly a bunch of Revenuers showed up, with pistols an all – turned
out they had some treaty with the limeys and helped us on our way. After that we came across some
railroad tracks in a small valley, eyed one local feller catching lizards with a stick, I aint never seen no
critters like that before, Energizer Bunny (now her name I could say – least the bunny bit) was
communacatin’ with him – fishin’ he said he was goin’, with live lizards ... mercy. Suffice to say we
returned safely to tha Inn while the sun was still high where them Hare folk gave us more free ale – must
be why them limeys is always talkin’ about free houses. There was women and children drinkin’ too,
there was one limey woman offerin’ lubrication to the men folk, no wonder they kept addressin’ her as
Ball Handler – all on a Sundy! I said my prayers, committed to regular Confessionals and hoped to
return one day with the Lord’s blessin’ to this jamboree.

On On
The American/Lakhdeep “Hairy Ball Maker” B