Pineapple Classic number 11th Hares: Wolfgang 'Shitty Shitty Bang Bang' M, Paul 'Darth Farter' R, Suparatana M and John 'The Pope' ELocation: Pattaya, Horseshoe PointDate: 14/15 December 2013Saturday rideAt 1 pm sharp the 11th Pineapple Classic took off. Approximately 60 riders, the pack, raced away for an eventful afternoon.The ride, according to ‘Shitty Shitty Bang Bang’, was +- 22 kilometer to the water stop and the second half should be +- 23 kilometer. We know, like the Sunday ride, the Pineapple classic ride distances are not very accurate, maybe it was much longer. German gründlichkeit does not always work. Anyway who cares, distance does not matter size does. The paper trail was German perfection, lots and meticulously distributed along the trial. Some say it took the hares 10 hours to lay it.The pack took off very hungry; pace was fast and the riding aggressive, lots of ‘quickies’ during this Hash. The hares did a beautiful job. The trial was very challenging and diverse. The checks where not too difficult accept for some dead ends and ‘funny directions’, which fooled the quickies. Like the world famous Dutch soccer legend, ‘Johan Cruijf’ always says every disadvantage has an advantage. The quicks are not always the fast. Some say do not overtake until it is safe and the road is sufficiently clear ahead, make sure your noticed or you will be ‘HASH BASHED’.The climbs where long and quite interesting especially in combination with the road surface, the Pattaya sands. Sand is a loose pale brown substance that you find at a beach or in the dessert, badlands, Birdsville Track, dust bowl, mirage, moonscape, oasis, salt flats and also during the pineapple classic. The bloody hot Pattaya sands, heard a lot of swearing and cursing on the sandy trials and sandy downhill’s. Some say that keeping your weight on the back wheel helps but staying on your bicycle helps best. A special highlight of the trip was the ride over the Mad Max fury roads. A desolated part of Pattaya nobody knows and where nobody goes. We almost burned our rubber but managed to follow the trail and got through. The smell, smoke and scenery were literally breath taking. Some say it is the home of the ‘Darth Farther’. Eventually everybody survived and got back to the circle in time for the fantastic refreshment and drinks. A special acknowledgement for the hot dogs, they where delicious, perfect grub after a long hot day in the Pattaya sands. Thank you hares for a beautiful challenging ride, on on on to the 12th pineapple classic.Sunday rideAt 10 am sharp the 11th Pineapple Classic hangover ride took off. Approximately 30 riders, the sleepy pack peddled away for an quiet and easy ride.The ride, according to ‘Shitty Shitty Bang Bang’, an easy 25 kilometer proved to be well over 30 kilometers. The hares drank a beer for every extra kilometer and some say that was the reason why the Sunday ride was longer than announced.The ride started ‘sabay-sabay’ with not to many obstacles and climbs and few Pattaya sand tracks. When everybody started to warm up the hares planned a surprise. We needed to cross the Pattaya back forest full of torn bushes. A serious challenge, no trail and little paper but like true Hashers we managed to get out of the forest with not too much scratches. Some say one of the hares keeps snow white hidden in this forest.We continued and soon found out that this ride was including the full hare service. They posted themselves at every dangerous road crossing and waited for the slow traffic to pass. They cheered us on and made sure nobody was lost. Some say this was the once a year Xmas special ride, Ho ho ho instead of On on on.After the water stop the group continued without the trailer trash family. The road ahead was too challenging. A deep rift needed to be crossed and the hash is not about taking unnecessary risks. We continued the easy road back to the resort but we learned that the rest of the Sunday ride was also perfectly organized. Some say they heard jingle bells and saw Rudolf, yes the red nosed animal ….Thank you hares for a beautiful Sunday ride, on on on to the 12th pineapple classic. I would like to add Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas and very Happy New Year to all Hashers. Joost van E, from the Trailer Trash Family.