Venue: Khao Yoi, Petchaburi, Sawang Golf ResortHares: Osama 'Sexy Beast' R., Kim 'Bacteria Butt' H. and Jo 'Big Package' van A.Dates: 25/26 Feb 2012Scribe: Howard H.The Sawang Golf Resort was the selected venue for the February Hash. The weekend started early with a Friday night ride, for those 18 hashers that braved the limited visibility of their helmet or handlebar mounted lights burning through the darkness of the silent wooded hills surrounding the resort. The ride started out as an easy 20km that was estimated to take about 2 hours to complete. As always the hares left the best parts of the ride a secret and only revealed their plotted route of 30 km after completing close to 12km!!!! During the ride hashers received many chances to count to 18 just to be sure no one was left in the dark (no pun intended) while traversing the trails in the dim moonlight (no moonlight).As the group progressed (back) toward the resort the small group of American hashers (as the others described them) Chris ‘Pencil Flasher’ B., Josh ‘Pussy Fingers’ S. and a few others sought a shorter path back to the resort (or BEER!), alas they ended up simply adding additional KM’s to their ride. Everyone enjoyed the night ride and suggested it become a more frequent ride... take note all you future Hares, the bar for 2012 has been set high.As the Saturday roll-off approached the “hot as hell” temperatures greeted the 75 (plus a few more) hashers with what the hares described as a challenging but extremely exciting ride. Hare Jo ‘Big Package’ Van A explained, (with a large grin on his face) that the ride had some false trails that would all be clearly marked so no one could confuse them with the actual trail and Hare Kim ‘Bacteria Butt’ H added that there was no reason to worry as the ride was all downhill trails with a few gentle climbs tossed in for fun. Again, those hares distorted the actual terrain of the trails and the gentle climb up the mix of wide and single track areas reached for the higher altitude just above 200 meters.The climb was rewarded with a well deserved water stop at 22kms, again the misdirection’s of the hare’s surely from their mis-calibrated GPS units, but as we all know hares never paint the true picture. The post hydration ride was described (as the sign posted by the hare’s read) a 100% downhill, fast and furious technical trail that helped reduce the heat for a few minutes... the last 13kms continued the hare’s claims of no uphill tracks returning everyone back to the resort for a total ride of just over 38kms. The hares did a terrific job of laying the paper over a very scenic trail offering fantastic views of the surrounding valleys and guiding everyone back to the circle for the coolers full of refreshing beverages and tasty snacks.The circle commenced with the traditional chants for the hares to be iced for their less than factual trail description earlier in the afternoon. New Hash members and several visitors received a BHHB welcome in the standard manner with humble greetings, serenading hash music, and accompanying down-downs. The down-downs continued with Osama ‘Sexy Beast’ R. return to the circle several times for the numerous wrong doings he had committed during the ride. Chris ‘Sackashit’ O. was once again reminded of last month’s absences of freebies during the AGM event with the tossing of empty beer cans for him to collect and save up to pay for the free beer at next year’s AGM dinner. Jock (Iain) was invited into circle for watering the Khao Yoi hill trails with fluids other then water and duly received a well earned hash name of ‘Urine Public’.Neil ‘Weedeater’ S. demanded Paul ‘Gasfarter’ R. and Howard H into the circle for a down-down each for the questionable removal of a whitish sticky substance (resembling hair mousse) that Gasfarter failed to wipe from his ear when he finished his morning shower exercises (thanks Gasfarter!!). Laura ‘Needs A Screw’ S. and Trish ‘Snake Charmer’ received a down-down each for failing to remove the condoms from the first eight hot dogs before cooking and serving them to a few unknowing hashers, just a note one of these ladies, a professional condom coach stated, “I only teach the application of condoms, removal is not her problem”. Piss Pot of the month was shared between Obama ‘Sexy Beast’ R. for not getting anything right as a hare and Chris ‘Pencil Flasher’ B. for trying to seduce and playing with the mammary glands of one of the resorts furry four-legged critters after telling her how dirty she appeared to be. As the evening arrived the resort offered a buffet with many selections of Thai favorites to satisfy the hunger riders worked up during the ride.Sunday’s weather was a slight improvement from Saturday’s; however it is still classified as the Hottest Hash so far this year. The ride was filled with gentle up hills and just as many down hills with a good mix of wide and single track areas, a section of rather unfriendly thorny vines entangling a few riders. The usual hare checks and false trails challenged some of the hashers that were still dealing with the effects of the amber nectar that had been in great supply during the Saturday circle and dinner. However most of the FRBs had the checks figured out within a few minutes. The hares again miscalculated the distances to the water stops but not as much as the day before. Hashers enjoyed a second day of superb trails and terrific scenery on the opposite side of the resort. The 25km ride proved enjoyable for all riders and once again returned the group to the resort for a well deserved Hash circle filled with laughs and refreshments. Ice those bloody hares!!!Circle convened with the hare being called in for their misleading descriptions from the morning trail briefing. Osama ‘Sexy Beast’ R was called out for wearing what he described as “IT’S NOT A SKIRT”, when Andine ‘Rich Bitch’ commented, “why not wear a skirt, they are comfortable and very stylish”. Congratulations to Julian ‘Moose Sperm” B for reaching the half-century (50th) ride and appropriately breaking in his 50th ride Mug with the mandatory filling of beer. One rider received a new name for his especially skillful dancing within the thorny thickets he found on the trail, he will henceforth be known as Lucas ‘Bloody Prick’, proudly proclaim your new name to all hashers that meet you.The weekend was a grand success and when the dust settled and all the two wheeled chariots’ were loaded, we bid farewell to Khao Yoi, Prachaburi until next year, when the BHHB will return to ride the trails again with old and new friends enjoying the trails together. Till next month.On-OnHoward H.