Aug 2010

Hua Hin, 28/29 Aug 2010


Richard 'Scrotum Dave' J

Martijn 'The Inseminator' S

Mint 'Eager Beaver' S

Ride report

Venue: Hua Hin Hillside ResortHares: Richard "Scrotum Dave" J, Martijn "The Inseminator" S and Mint.Date: 28/29 August 2010.Scribe: WeedeaterThere may be trouble ahead.We sat in the sala that Friday night. Several cool boxes of beers and wine, the nut and crisp debris scattered on the table top in front of us. It’s great to be in Hua Hin on a Friday night, the prospect of a fun day ahead. As the Pope, Da, Shitty Shitty Bang Bang, Maverick, No Meat and I, slide slowly into inebriation, 3 of the 4 Hares stroll across the Resort garden to talk with us. “Ride of the Century” said Scrotum Dave, “Best ever circle food” said Black Buttocks, “We have a bit of a problem with the bookings” said Mint quietly. Entertainment on Friday night was as usual provided by the German contingent from Rayong. Whoever said that the Germans don’t have a sense of humour? Mother Ducker and Tomas keep us laughing all evening, though as Maverick became drunker and drunker, there was a real chance that he might strip naked and jump in the pool. As soon as this became a real danger, No Meat went to bed and the rest of us drank more. It’s so good to be away from Bangkok on a Friday night.Saturday morning dawns. I am ripped from my slumbers to go for a run. No Meat was obviously dropped on her head when she was born, it’s the only answer to explain her wonton need for exercise at ungodly hours. Actually, the truth is that she wanted to recce the first check so that she would get it right and be winning. As we returned to the Resort and sat down to breakfast, we were faced with Captain Condom at our table with his morning yogochino. The plonker had put drinking yoghurt into his morning cup of instant – which promptly bubbled over making a mess. A disgusting brew, not even fit for parents with children!!The ride draws nigh. Scrotum Dave and The Inseminator give the assembled highly tuned athletes, the days instructions – it’s going to be a fuck-up! We hadn’t exited the Resort Gate when we had the first casualty. Pushed by a vengeful wife/girlfriend, Superlight took a tumble on the down ramp and scored a 5.9 for his double salko with pike and twist. There was a lot of pushing and shoving as we left the confining car park. The first couple of km’s saw concrete sois then it was onto dirt and up a short FT. The wifey up there was a mite perturbed to see sweaty Hashers milling about in her garden. The first check was solved by yours truly. A neat little single track out of a huge field……into another huge field! Actually this was great.The Ra’s had done a stunning job of keeping the rain AND sun at bay to give almost the perfect riding conditions. So the trail took in some field roads, some single track in deep grass, then some single track over lumpy fields. Across banks and through thorn scrub and through rivers – we did it all. The drinks stop was a welcome relief from the hilly trail. No respite though. The Hares claimed that though slightly further, the second half was easier to ride. It is amazing that there are still Hashers that believe that the Hares might be telling the truth. Some went off down the short cuts, the hardy and foolish carried on. The trails were a little bit easier. At some point we crossed over a river, then splashed along flooded tracks and generally got as muddy as hell. Several veteran Hashers at the front of the pack didn’t use their whistles and several Hashers got lost! All in all a great ride though.On to the circle and I thought that I could see the rain clouds gathering over the Hares. Surely they would get severely punished for the cock-ups over the room bookings! Surely the Hares would get hammered over the long second part of the course! In fact they got off lightly, the GM even managing to wriggle out of getting a much deserved ‘Piss Pot’, the slimey old Scrote! Everyone who made it back enjoyed the circle food a huge cheer went up when the Hares offered to pay for all the evenings drinks. Ok…..I lied about that bit. Dinner was perhaps a bit limited in choice but I’d had a few beers already it didn’t matter too much.The Hangover Ride was another big surprise. A nice gentle ride to the drinks stop with only a few children mangled in my front wheel. For some reason, my aim seemed to be a bit off – or else the munchkins are getting wise and managing to avoid me. As we set of along the beach, there was nothing for it, I would have to ‘take out’ a Frenchman. Of course, it is becoming increasingly hard to find one on the Bike Hash now as we are being over run by the Dutch. Even the Germans are getting worried!So, as I cruised along the beach, I picked my Target. As I stealthily got closer on my camouflaged Superlight, I got into the optimum position Then, a deft tap on his handlebars and Yannick (I think that is his name – if it isn’t I do apologise) was history and I was one wheel closer to the front. Actually he did crash and burn and I hope he is ok. What actually happened was that as he strove to pass No Meat, he dropped his front wheel into a water filled pool – that turned out to be quite deep – went Arse over tit and landed on his face!. IF HE HAD HAD A TRUE HANG-OVER HE WOULD NOT HAVE FELT THE BLOW!!!What is most embarrassing for me is that all the little kids beat me in to the beer. When No Meat and I finally arrived for the circle, there was only 1 beer left for each of us. The lesson here is that if someone falls off in front of you, ride over them to make sure you get to the beer!I hope our French friend is ok. Great ride HaresThank you.OnOnWeedeater


44.5 km, 568.0 m
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26.64 km, 204.0 m
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